All you can eat buffets. The most beloved throwback of the American priviledged unto the Vomitorium of Roman glory days. The setup is basically the same. Piles and piles of delicious food, all you desire to take. There is so much to choose from, and you can have it all. Yes, stuff your little blubbery faces full like there's no tomorrow. Or, maybe if you come back tomorrow there will be no more food left. Heavens forbid. So take some more and then more, don't worry about wasting anything you mound of humanity...it's not like food is a finite resource or anything.
You come here twice a week, and one wonders whether or not you store it all up like a bulbous python...sunning yourself somewhere and lounging in wait until Tucanos opens again.
Your puffy offspring, already showing signs of premature cardio respiratory problems as a result of unfair baggage that you have allowed them to consume without remorse, jiggle with delight and ADHD as they hungrily (figure of speech, because they never will be) eye the next course and the next. Their eager little mouths squelch out commands to the humble servant who brings them their livelihood in neverending droves.
When will it stop? When will you realize that you've taken something of cultural enjoyment and turned it into a mockery of our way of life, a circus show celebrating the excesses of our economy and society? Brazilian the idea may be, but the abuse is American. They come and watch and their eyes scorn and laugh at the fat gringos who cease to enjoy...but keep eating anyway. Why doesn't it stop?
When looks of eager anticipation turn to regretful acceptance, and then finally grimaces of pain? But you keep eating. Like cattle with no thought toward what they will become tomorrow, or what a body is for. To live, to raise children and find all the enjoyment life can bring? The outdoors, the water, the wind, and the feel of running through a field of grass? No, you only eat. You have shackled yourself to that chair by your continual greed and self-loathing, limiting yourself to the one activity that you can still perform with distinction.
More food! Shouts the 400 lb Patrician with unlimited resources and extremely limited mobility. The once human being that has become an eating machine, a human no more.
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4 comments:
This would make the perfect voice-over for an obesity awareness public service commercial. Of course, all us skinny people would be rolling on the floor laughing while the card carrying frequent buffet citizens would just be offended.
Ahem, the funniest thing about it is that I would never refer to myself as one of the skinny people either. Just one who is aware of my potential to become fat and therefore I am wary.
Hey, all that gym time has earned you the right to identify yourself with the skinny crowd. Me? Eh, you'd be amazed at what a wonderful calorie-loss program constant stress is.
Oh man, I would hate to work at a buffet...even a slightly more classy joint like the one you work at. I think that if you go to hell for gluttony, you get to spend eternity as a waiter at a buffet restaurant in middle America.
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