Okay, so in the past three days, I have witnessed even more reason to fear driving my vehicle. Not just Utah drivers, which I already knew were a threat based on the fact that the test here most likely consists of "how to use your vehicle as a secondary dressing room, day care, conference room, marriage counseling center, and lavaratory" 101, and such questions as:
26. If you are driving down a 45 mph major roadway in 5pm traffic, and the Hoagie Yogie that you would LIKE to reach is a block away and three lanes over, do you:
a) turn right, double back with an illegal U-turn and run a yellow light to get there using the least amount of force
b) change the three lanes in quick succession in front of the nearest cars, without signaling, and expect them to get out of your way because the 12 kid minivan driver is OBVIOUSLY on the ball enough to react
c) speed up to 80 mph so that your car can hairline turn through even the smallest gaps in traffic, causing other motorists only mild cardiac arrest when their lives flash before their eyes
d) Simply pretend NOT to see anyone in your rear-view or side mirrors, muttering blithely to yourself "I have no blind spot" and rely on faith to move the terrified and traffic locked left laners out of your way so that you can satisfy your deep and pressing need for a RuityFruity smoothie
***All answers are permissable.
I mean, seriously. You've got to be freaking kidding me. I live in a land where people not only use their cars as portable little worlds suspended from reality, but also as weapons in some cases, and slightly less expensive substitutes for theme park rides in others.
One recent episode began with me trying to get into the left lane so that I could turn. I signaled far ahead of time, only to notice that the driver 3 carlengths back on my left had decided to accelerate WAY above the speed limit to pass me, first. So I stopped my pilgramage to the left lane prematurely and moved back into the safety of the right, only to have the psychopath swerve into the right also, directly behind me, without signaling. When I tried to escape him (because I was sure he would hit me if I didn't) he moved to cut me off, using his car as automotive body language, trying to bully me into ...I'm not even sure what. Then, when I refused to move away, he pulled up beside me and started shouting incoherant obsenities at my open window. Classic road rage. In a land where people are supposed to all be the chosen saints in latter days, you'd think I wouldn't have to fear that some soccer dad would try to kill me on my way to work.
Another more recent and slightly more satisfying incident arose when I witnessed a testosterone filled young buck launch his brand new (I can only assume it was his, and new) Dodge Viper over a bump in the road, sailing directly into the turf on the curb of some overpriced condominiums up the street from my house. I passed him just in time to see his stunningly reckless progress through a 20mph residential area, thinking it was a good thing that I knew the bump was there because it's almost impossible to see in the dark. The impact shattered the entire front of the car and the bumper was left about 4 feet away. The driver was presumably unhurt, though I imagine the emotional strain of needlessly wasting a prize possession was intense. What can I say, dude? Shouldn't have been an idiot.
And so ends my latest rant on the incompetency and danger of Utah drivers.
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3 comments:
My brother tells a great story, which I shall share with you. There is one particularly nasty exist from a grocer near where he lives. Only fools attempt to turn left out of it (particularly as there is another exist option which will place you headed in the same direction without the hassle). One woman was trying to left there. Being the courteous driver that he often is, he left room for her to exit while a red light was backing up traffic in his lane. She took this as an invitation to turn left. And a truck in the left lane, going at about 40mph, ran right over the front of her car, and rolled twice. Her car was ruined (and she'd just barely managed to be seriously injured) and the truck was totaled. The extra sad part? This truck was a company truck complete with a specialized advertising paint job.
Not that my brother is without fault. Once he totally drove his car into a pole while not paying a speck of attention to what was going around him.
My contributions to bad Provo driving is I once underestimated the roads, hit black ice at 15mph, attempted to avoid the car in front of me, and gently glided into not one, but two, Toyota Corollas parked on the side of the street. My car was suffered only a slight misalignment of the tires. Those cars? Totally scratched up. How I managed to peel the paint off the sides of their cars without scratching mine, I'll never know.
correction to the above post - she'd just barely managed to avoid being serious injured
and no joke, the truck apparently ran over the hood of her car.
I had a really hard time understanding that comment, so thanks for clarifying. And thanks for being an avid reader, I need more of those!
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