This is a Hagtatorship.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I've just come to a very stunning realization. First impressions are ALWAYS right. I think back to the first time I met my new roomate, (let's just call her "Helga", a nickname of her own making, might I add) and how I joked with my friends that I thought she was heartless and evil because literally the 12th - 14th words she said to me upon our first meeting were 'I hate animals'--a very brisk sentiment that I completely CANNOT relate to, because first of all I was raised on a farm and pretty much feel comfortable with anything four legged and furry, and secondly because I ah, have a soul?
I mean HONESTLY. WHO hates ALL animals? I was tempted to assault her with a 20 questions style interrogation, something along the lines of a three year old's first conversation having to do with pet mortality, when they find out fluffy, just like all living things, must too die.
"Even kittens? Kittens too?" I would ask. Followed by, "But what about puppies? Not the puppies! ...Or...flying squirrels? With their cute little noses? ...Koala bears? Baby monkeys?..."

Somehow, I was willing to overlook that, though. And I tried to forge a tentative, 'we live in the same house and sometimes chat together' kind of a bond, I really did. But THEN, as the Fates would have it, the owners (who must have a truly sick sense of humor, and I love them) put another girl into the same room with Helga, (we'll call her 'Ohara', for reasons known only to me) and she---wait for it---has her very own dog. After we realized that this was for real, I felt like laughing. Helga, on the other hand, went from a personality like a chocolate covered lemon (extreme bitterness, thinly veiled with sugar and fat) to a pretty much constant state of royally pissed off. And I'm emphasizing the p- in pissed and the ff- in off. (She enunciates a lot, it's actually kindof more terrifying than a German accent would be.) Couple that with a severe case of disdain for all peoples other than herself, and you've pretty much got the gist of Frau Helga von Ballbreaker, the new blight to my existence.

Anyway, after about a week of hatred in Casablancaland, (and us letting the dog in literally whenever she leaves the house) it appears she has finally decided to let the lid off, and stop pretending. Aw hell. This subtle erosion culminated this evening with a very candid display of evil right in front of one of my closest friends, as we were talking about a girl who had recently been missing and was presumed found and deceased. She listened for about five seconds to the conversation, scoffed, and then said "Well, I'm sorry but that's what she gets for going hiking on her own. I mean that's just stupid." Said like /stoo-pihd/. My mouth literally hung open wide enough to land planes in. Then, in another telling moment, she ragged on the obvious stupidity of a perfect stranger who she had called on the phone at approx 1am, questioned about something she may or may not have had ANY knowledge of, and then hung up and proceeded to tell everyone in the room (including my 2 guyfriends who she had just met) what an idiot this girl obviously was. I mean, yikes. That was after a 20 second conversation. I've been living with her for 12 days now, just imagine the conclusions she has drawn on me.

I'm scared. Just when you thought you had every seriously deranged architype of cliche roomate, nope. You were wrong. There's still yet one more opportunity to fear your own home, and it's only a bargain $265 a month! Asprin and cost of evasive dining not included.