Who Am I, in 800 Words or less...

This is a paper that I wrote for a class the other day. I was supposed to introduce myself and explain why I am passionate about my major in around 750 words. This is what I came up with at 2 in the morning.

The Talk I Walk

As I sit here writing this cleverly worded, seven hundred and sixty word ode to my existence, I have to wonder if this is a feat outside of my abilities. To explain myself in under eight-hundred words would indeed be impossible, if I was trying for any level of comprehensiveness. But, since I am not, I will simply go where the meandering stream of my consciousness takes me, and hopefully it will afford insight with at least some clarity attached to it.

I will begin by sharing that I once fell in love with a movie called Stranger than Fiction, a story about a man who has the unfortunate fate of being the main character in a story that ends in his death. Throughout his daily routine, he is followed by the voice of the story’s writer as she cunningly narrates his actions and thoughts. What I wouldn’t give for that to happen to me!
...Only instead of a rather funny but also sad story where the hero ends up barely escaping death, I would prefer mine to be a hilarious comedy of disastrous proportions in which the heroine narrowly avoids her fated demise.

You see, my main talent lies in looking at the world through a different sort of scope, and then describing what I see in my own words. If I were allowed to narrate the events around me, I feel we would all find things much more fascinating, really. This is because, in the World According to Veronica, no one would ever walk. Why walk, when you can schlep, jaunt, stroll, saunter, strut, lollygag, or stride with purpose? Why speak, when you can articulate, declare, exclaim, sputter, cry, pronounce, utter, and whine? If you could choose, would you prefer to sit, or park yourself? Would you rather rest, or laze about?

I can’t speak for you, but I can articulate in your favor, if I so deign. Likewise, you can disagree, or else you can flagrantly oppose my point of view.

Some might say that the language I use to explain the things I see, think and feel is unnecessary, or that I overcomplicate things by thesaurus-sizing the naturally small and simple. I, however, believe that the way I have of looking around me is not only surprisingly entertaining, but also educational. There is merit in discovering the most colorful way to paint a sentence, just as there is pleasure in poetry. Aristotle said that our urge to write and perform comes from our natural desire to imitate, and the pleasure it brings us to do so. How we present our views to the world through speech and letter is, to me, a most glorious science.

What you can tell about a person from the way they communicate is not only a fascinating study, but also is essential to finding out who they truly are. If each person is a mystery to be solved, then each word must be a clue. Where are they from? Are they serious, intelligent, daft, silly, profound, or deranged? What propels them? And what do they think of you, or of themselves? I like to think of myself as a successor of Sherlock Holmes in this particular area. I take ridiculous amounts of delight in watching and listening to the exchanges of others, just to see what I can see and hear about them that they don’t even know they’re giving up. Does that person know what their body language suggests, as they incline towards the other in an engrossed manner? Am I the only one who notes the rancorous tone of an instructor who has gone too long without luncheon?

The pursuit of these truths is secondary in my heart only to my desire to share them. The goal of my studies is to increase my ability to understand, so that I can then find a way to benefit others with what I have learned. I want to tell stories that change the lives of those who experience them through my telling. I hope to hone my skills to a point where I can literally evoke specific emotions, just by finding the proper choice of words. The power to move and impress through expression has long been one of the most valued gifts a human can possess, and I would love nothing more than to go down as one of the gifted. A chronicler of epic proportions.

***Also, Robbie, I would like you to know that if you died and I got all of your money, I would use it to write a NYT Bestselling book and I would name one of the characters after you.