Honestly, what kind of an idiot breaks up a relationship right before the national celebration held in their honor, on the year when for the first time EVER they would not have had to celebrate it alone? Obviously, my kind of idiot. Why, might you ask? Well, if I knew the answer to that one, I probably wouldn't feel so stupid right about now. So, in honor of this unprecedented holiday, I give you my latest list:
The Stupid Girl/Guy's Guide to Chilling Alone on Love Day
A List of Helpful Ideas to Start & Finish the Day Off Right - And with a BANG!
1) You should probably begin by sleeping in. A lot. Possibly even miss a class or two, and/or work
2) You should NOT buy yourself or anyone else flowers, because they're just going to die, just like your hopes of ever being un-single again
3) You should not eat ANYTHING that is red, pink, white, or sprinkly. Unless Robbit and I gave it to you, in which case it is a yummy treat and you should indulge with vigor
4) Go see a movie that has a lot of killing and/or crap getting blown up
5) Avoid shopping malls, jewelry stores, fancy restaurants, and all picturesque places. Especially in Provo. Just trust me on this one.
6) Go to Wal-Mart at about 2am, and buy laundry detergent or socks (for yourself)
7) Go to Barnes and Noble. That's where all the other single freaks hang out, and you'll feel better and maybe even find a book about how to make your love life not suck so much
8) Avoid radio stations, and only listen to Albums from groups like All-American Rejects, Dashboard Confessional, and especially Fall Out Boy (all love-hating bands for the most part)
9) Call a single friend and don't mention Valentine's Day ONCE
10) Take your car to the shop
11) Find a gay friend and take them to a romantic spot so they can help you make fun of the couples
12) Find a gay friend and fake a proposal
13) Break someone up (just kidding, don't do that)
14) Go LARPing. (Those kids don't even know what a date is)
15) Watch 10 hours of AskaNinja, followed by Homestar and then what the heck burn out on YouTube
16) Get a tatoo
17) Go get your hair cut, or buy a new outfit (at Wal-mart, because you can't go to the mall)
18) Write a song about your favorite food item
19) Watch almost any movie with Sean Penn. Bound to be totally unromantic.
20) Go to the gym and make a game out of avoiding hitters on
And there's my list. This is foolproof, and if you do these things, I PROMISE you won't spend all your time being depressed about your (recent, in my case) singleness. And, as an added bonus, I'll probably do at least ten of these things, so you might bump into me and we can hang out. Rock on!