The Involuntary Voyeur

I'm stealing the idea for this post from something Janell once said to me about a friend she had. This friend used to complain about those who held personal phone conversations quite loudly and in very populated areas, thus somewhat forcing the innocent bystanders to go from minding their own business to taking a quasi-intimate part in the unfolding drama. Thus becoming rather unwilling eavesdroppers on something they just can't tune out.

Now, I'm not going to say that this point of view doesn't have merit, I'm simply suggesting that perhaps there is a line by which we can distinguish what is involuntary, and what is, in fact barely veiled fascination coupled with righteous indignation that someone "made" you listen, and now you just can't stop. Yes, that person was being incredibly inappropriate by talking about their salicious love affair in your earshot.

But, let's be honest. Don't you just feel a kind of human obligation to find out more, just to make sure you don't judge them preemptively for their weakness? I mean, what if their wife was a cruel, haranguing sort of mistress? Or what if the pool boy was the one who initiated? These are questions that can't be cleared up by a general sort of listening in, and might call for a more dedicated investigation. So do you then follow the indiscreet conversation-haver down the aisles of the store until they unwittingly divulge more? And why stop there, when you can make a note of their license plate and follow them home to further continue your study? I ask you, since they are obviously FORCING you to personally stalk them for more information, what choice did you have in the matter? None!

I submit that THEY are the real reason you are now sitting outside their house with a walkie-talkie, tuning into the frequency of their handheld portable as they check their voicemail. After all, there's no way you could've just tuned out to the intricacies of their personal drama. It was almost as if they were holding you down and shouting it in your ear, right? And heaven forbid they discuss such things within a mile radius of you, because that is youre personal airspace. If they'd honestly wanted you NOT to listen, they would have holed up in a closet somewhere with the door tightly shut, and whispered their secrets. Then again, you still probably would've found a way, and therefore have every right to monitor and judge their every syllable. Am I right?

Yes, talking on a cell phone in a public place is just like taking hostages. Creepy, stalkery hostages. Yesssss.