Ha ha, trees. I am so terribly clever.
Right now, I know that I should be studying for my massive midterm tomorrow, the one that is exactly the week before finals and will cost me $5 to take, not to mention about 12 hours to study for. I know that I should give a flying fetch about school, and that I should be on my way to the library this very second. I know that I should NOT have gone shopping for two hours today for a new pair of black pumps with bows that I totally cannot afford. I know that I should not have bought that little black dress. And I DEFINITELY know that I should not have done any of the former for a guy, or worse, for the tiny possibility of a guy.
However, sometimes what you know wrestles with what you do. And sometimes what you know you shouldn't do gets the trash kicked out of it by the things you do anyway. So why am I, an intelligent, moderately successful, charming and attractive woman in her early twenties sitting here writing this when I have about twelve other places to be? It must be bad case of the trees. Because I AM Pining, I am oping, and I am willowing (wallowing) in my own discontent with my current situation. And I just can't seem to stop. I know I shouldn't be, and as far as timing goes let's face it--finals week and before is about THE WORST time I could have picked to go all lethargic and pissy. But whatyagonnado? It's almost Christmas and I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm fed up with school and work (even though I LOVE my job, go fig) and I just want to kiss someone under the mistletoe and cuddle with hot chocolate. Is that so freaking wrong? Am I somehow more pathetic for admitting this? Or maybe I'm just one of millions who feel the same way, but I just can't take it anymore.
As far as predicaments go, this one really bites the big proverbial donut. Because with relationships, it kind of goes without saying that it "takes two to tango". I suck at tango, which makes it worse. Dam. And to make things even more sick, I went to the mall today and got to watch all the little families and couples walking around. After about 45 minutes of that, I was beginning to think the Grinch really wasn't such a bad guy, and Scrooge might have been right all along. Somebody help me! I'm making friends with embittered mythological characters!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Return to Eden
It's happened. I never thought it would. I swore bloody oaths that I would never return to that cursed place, that I would rather give up my unconcieved firstborn child than allow myself to be enslaved once more. But...then again I suppose it was inevitable. No one can truly ever escape Los Hermanos. Those that have tried ended up dead or worse, ...married. (Shudder) Still, there are some things I might have briefly missed over the past few months. Such as:
-The "Good Game" game
-Half understood conversations with dishwashing personnel
-Half priced quesadillas (pronounced cua-sahd-uh-laaA)
-Jalapenos
-Guys who can jokingly flirt without being creepy...
-Mexicans
-Peachy Ricos
-Spendable Cash and zero responsibility
-Obscure Lindon jokes
-Racherella
-The vatos
-Tight fitting tee shirts...to work
-Stockings being not-optional (okay that's what I don't miss)
-My favorite black person in the whole entire world
-My favorite mormon gay man in the entire world
-Chips, and salsa
NOT cake. But I don't think I'll be there long enough to be a problem, so bring it on.
-The "Good Game" game
-Half understood conversations with dishwashing personnel
-Half priced quesadillas (pronounced cua-sahd-uh-laaA)
-Jalapenos
-Guys who can jokingly flirt without being creepy...
-Mexicans
-Peachy Ricos
-Spendable Cash and zero responsibility
-Obscure Lindon jokes
-Racherella
-The vatos
-Tight fitting tee shirts...to work
-Stockings being not-optional (okay that's what I don't miss)
-My favorite black person in the whole entire world
-My favorite mormon gay man in the entire world
-Chips, and salsa
NOT cake. But I don't think I'll be there long enough to be a problem, so bring it on.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
It Almost Doesn't Seem Worth It...
Today in one of my journalism classes we had yet another polarized discussion about whether or not bloggers are journalists. Well, this particular one is... so take that Lippman!
I sit here on my couch with various religion paraphanalia in front of me, wondering if I will ever be able to bring myself to study it for my exam tomorrow. The main preventing factor is of course, the fact that I have a HUGE case of the "I really don't care anymore"s. I can't really say if this is brought on by: a) the fact that I'm already in my major and have no intention of going to grad school b) the fact that it's almost Christmas and I can't wait to go home, even for just a few weeks (but it will still be the first time in about a year) c) the fact that a stupid guy occupies my thoughts when he has absolutely NO business doing so--I told him he had no power over me and he obviously took it as a personal challenge--damn athletes. d) my roomate is banging around quite loudly in our kitchen or e) I'm stressing about my opera piece and I'd rather be practicing. There are simply TOO MANY reasons for me to not be studying.
Still, the fact remains that I will inevitably be sitting in the Testing Center at 9am tomorrow, gazing blankly at the test and thinking "woah, I really should have at least LOOKED at those dates" or "wait, WHO was the first person to be called as acting president of the twelve? damn." Then of course, I'll get kicked out and excommunicated for saying damn in the testing center... (although I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be the first, nor indeed the last to use a grey word in there) Poor me. I guess I should just abandon this lost cause right now. If I'm going to be excommunicated anyway, there's really no point in learning this stuff anymore. Is there?
How's THAT for slippery slope rationalization, huh?
Aw no my roomate and her boyfriend are embracing heavily in the kitchen again. Give me cancer now! Well, look at the time, I believe I shall run to the library!
I sit here on my couch with various religion paraphanalia in front of me, wondering if I will ever be able to bring myself to study it for my exam tomorrow. The main preventing factor is of course, the fact that I have a HUGE case of the "I really don't care anymore"s. I can't really say if this is brought on by: a) the fact that I'm already in my major and have no intention of going to grad school b) the fact that it's almost Christmas and I can't wait to go home, even for just a few weeks (but it will still be the first time in about a year) c) the fact that a stupid guy occupies my thoughts when he has absolutely NO business doing so--I told him he had no power over me and he obviously took it as a personal challenge--damn athletes. d) my roomate is banging around quite loudly in our kitchen or e) I'm stressing about my opera piece and I'd rather be practicing. There are simply TOO MANY reasons for me to not be studying.
Still, the fact remains that I will inevitably be sitting in the Testing Center at 9am tomorrow, gazing blankly at the test and thinking "woah, I really should have at least LOOKED at those dates" or "wait, WHO was the first person to be called as acting president of the twelve? damn." Then of course, I'll get kicked out and excommunicated for saying damn in the testing center... (although I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be the first, nor indeed the last to use a grey word in there) Poor me. I guess I should just abandon this lost cause right now. If I'm going to be excommunicated anyway, there's really no point in learning this stuff anymore. Is there?
How's THAT for slippery slope rationalization, huh?
Aw no my roomate and her boyfriend are embracing heavily in the kitchen again. Give me cancer now! Well, look at the time, I believe I shall run to the library!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Disco or not disco?
Tonight I stayed up until 2am making a dress. I don't know why I decided to make a dress after one in the morning, well actually I do. It's because I'm supposed to go to a Disco with my date tomorrow night, and I hadn't a thing to wear. So, being the creative and insomnious Goddess of fashion that I am, I decided to make something suitable to wear. And the result, I am not ashamed to admit, is HOT. But unfortunately, I didn't stop there. I then decided to go do my hair like Farah Fawcett (to complete the look) and what the heck why not some makeup too?
Then, being the Creative Photograph Goddess that I am, I also decided to take pictures. But the Adobe Photoshop Goddess in me didn't let me stop there. I then had to take one of the pictures and play with it (because it was just so artistic!) to see what I would look like if I had been painted by Van Gogh, Poussin, Picasso, and Monet.
Now, all I needed was jewelry. But I've come to the conclusion that the Goddess needs sleep more. So, I'm now going to take myself off to bed, after gloating because I just HAD to share my late night accomplishments with somebody. Maybe I'll even post my pictures...
Then, being the Creative Photograph Goddess that I am, I also decided to take pictures. But the Adobe Photoshop Goddess in me didn't let me stop there. I then had to take one of the pictures and play with it (because it was just so artistic!) to see what I would look like if I had been painted by Van Gogh, Poussin, Picasso, and Monet.
Now, all I needed was jewelry. But I've come to the conclusion that the Goddess needs sleep more. So, I'm now going to take myself off to bed, after gloating because I just HAD to share my late night accomplishments with somebody. Maybe I'll even post my pictures...
Saturday, August 19, 2006
It Occured to Me That I Didn't Have a Pink One Yet...
So, after a large amount of time has passed, I feel that it is now safe to resume my chronicles of life in the place that I once left. After leaving, then returning, then turning my life upside down and inside out I'm finally comfortable in my new surroundings. My new apartment is nice, quiet, (especially now that the married neighbors upstairs and the schizophrenic lady across the way are gone) and cozy.
However, absolutely nothing else in my life is the way I thought it would be. My new job is amazing, and they're thinking of promoting me and skipping a step in between, a huge contrast from the job I just left where I wasn't promoted even slightly after more than a year. The lack of drama and the overall kindness of the people is a rare thing, and sometimes I find myself looking at everyone and thinking "Man, they're about to be translated." Such is the on-campus work at a religious university, I suppose.
I also got in trouble today with my mouth (big surprise there). Actually, it wasn't really trouble but I still felt very chastised. My roomate told me that a lot of people might think I'm a snob because I tend to use a lot of "big words" when I talk. Well, gosh. If I'd have like, known that like sounding smart made a person ugly, I guess I like need to get dumber sounding real fast, huh? Geez! I don't know why, but for some reason that totally pissed me off. More so because I think I understand the truth of what she was saying. I really do think that some people might be a little imtimidated when a cute girl uses a word like "segue" or "cloying" (AND knows what it means, too) in everyday conversation. But I don't get pissed off at people when they talk about things I don't necessarily understand, like calculus. And it's not like I'm trying to show off how smart I am (trust me, I really don't think I'm that smart.) I just happen to have a colorful vocabulary and that's just the way I talk. She even went as far as to say that I should try to "write for my audience" so to speak, so that everyone would be sure to understand. I really didn't know how to take it, but it seems to me that a world where a woman has to hide her intelligence (no matter how she does it or who she's trying to not impress) in order not to scare people is a really screwed up place.
I still have no idea what guys mean when they speak "sports lingo", but I never ask them to stop using it around me because it makes me feel like an idiot. It's my fault for not knowing what a freaking "half-back" is, if you ask me.
Rant, rant rant rant rant.
However, absolutely nothing else in my life is the way I thought it would be. My new job is amazing, and they're thinking of promoting me and skipping a step in between, a huge contrast from the job I just left where I wasn't promoted even slightly after more than a year. The lack of drama and the overall kindness of the people is a rare thing, and sometimes I find myself looking at everyone and thinking "Man, they're about to be translated." Such is the on-campus work at a religious university, I suppose.
I also got in trouble today with my mouth (big surprise there). Actually, it wasn't really trouble but I still felt very chastised. My roomate told me that a lot of people might think I'm a snob because I tend to use a lot of "big words" when I talk. Well, gosh. If I'd have like, known that like sounding smart made a person ugly, I guess I like need to get dumber sounding real fast, huh? Geez! I don't know why, but for some reason that totally pissed me off. More so because I think I understand the truth of what she was saying. I really do think that some people might be a little imtimidated when a cute girl uses a word like "segue" or "cloying" (AND knows what it means, too) in everyday conversation. But I don't get pissed off at people when they talk about things I don't necessarily understand, like calculus. And it's not like I'm trying to show off how smart I am (trust me, I really don't think I'm that smart.) I just happen to have a colorful vocabulary and that's just the way I talk. She even went as far as to say that I should try to "write for my audience" so to speak, so that everyone would be sure to understand. I really didn't know how to take it, but it seems to me that a world where a woman has to hide her intelligence (no matter how she does it or who she's trying to not impress) in order not to scare people is a really screwed up place.
I still have no idea what guys mean when they speak "sports lingo", but I never ask them to stop using it around me because it makes me feel like an idiot. It's my fault for not knowing what a freaking "half-back" is, if you ask me.
Rant, rant rant rant rant.
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